Giving and receiving better feedback at work and beyond

Feedback consists of views and information about the performance of a person, product or service against certain criteria or expectations. We exchange it all the time, whether at work, home or in social settings.

Examples include letting staff know how well or not they have performed their job which can formally be known as a performance review or appraisal. Another example of feedback is hearing from users about the extent to which a product or service has met their expectations, which can be known as user feedback or product/service review.

Feedback involves two parties. The giver and the receiver. The one giving feedback lets the receiver know how well they, their product or service is doing in delivering against a set of expectations. Whatever the performance expectations are, it is important that these are shared and agreed beforehand between the feedback giver and receiver. Otherwise, it is unfair to judge performance against them. Also bear in mind that The role of feedback givers and receivers are not static. We can be either at different times, so it helps to improve both feedback giving and receiving skills.

We have all given and received feedback in our professional lives. But how effective was it? This article focusses on improving how we exchange feedback with others at work. However, some of the ideas can be applied to feedback beyond the work place.

What is effective feedback?

For feedback to be effective it needs to pass what we call the ABC test of effective feedback, which stands for Actionable, Based on evidence and Constructive:

Actionable

Effective feedback is sound and complete enough that it gives the receiver sufficient understanding of the views being expressed. Where there is need for action, effective feedback has practical value and can be acted upon to remedy or improve performance.

Based on evidence

Effective feedback is based on evidence. It clearly shows where and how the person, product or service has failed to perform or where they have exceeded expectations. Naturally, feedback can be subjective or can vary because it is about opinions and levels of satisfaction. Effective feedback returns some objectivity by encouraging people to provide evidence for their feedback, regardless of whether they feel ‘not satisfied’, ‘satisfied’ or ‘very satisfied’ with the performance.

Constructive

Effective feedback is constructive. This means it is made purposely beneficial and useful to the person giving it and most importantly to the person receiving it. Constructive also means it is delivered in the best way possible and makes a progressive impact on the receiver. We all know of disastrous feedback sessions but caution should be taken in labelling feedback as good or bad. Constructive feedback is that which helps to enhance capabilities of a person, product or service.

What effective feedback is not…

In 1895 Larry Goetz said, “when I am right no one remembers, when I am wrong, no one forgets”.

This may be how a good number of people feel about feedback. Ineffective feedback has dreadful consequences including stress, anxiety, reduced confidence, lack of motivation, reduced productivity, high staff turnover and expensive recruitment exercises, among others. Effective feedback should never be:

A list of wrongs or faults but a balanced discussion of achievements and areas for improvement.
A power tool reserved for those in positions of authority or influence.
An opportunity to put others down, witch-hunt or exchange blows.
An explosion of bottled up emotions from either party.
A time to be quiet. Take part respectfully in your feedback session.
An opportunity to bash or bully others or to be passive aggressive.

Why is effective feedback important?

It builds, rather than destroy. How?

A. Provides assurance

Effective feedback can assure that an employee, service, product or company is delivering successfully against set expectations. This is important for individuals and businesses alike. We all want to know that what we are doing is working well. For individuals, it motivates greatly to know you are doing well and know where to improve. For companies, feedback that demonstrates high levels of customer satisfaction reassures management that they are getting it right. Happy customers often mean a healthy bottom line for businesses.

B. Supports decision-making

Sound decision-making is dependent on effective feedback. For example, evidence showing high levels of customer dissatisfaction with a certain product can form the basis for its discontinuation. Likewise, evidence for high performance of a product can support decisions to increase its production, diversify or increase investment. At an individual level, staff performance records are often used as the basis for bonuses and other forms of rewards.

C. Enables improvement

Ultimately, there will be times when expectations are not met. Individuals and companies will fail to deliver on expectations, and products and services will disappoint. Effective feedback can help identify when and where this happens and also provide ideas for how performance can be made better. Some companies stay ahead of such costly lessons by proactively asking potential customers to get involved in designing and testing their products or services. They then make any suggested changes before the product or service is formally launched.

Types of feedback

Formal vs informal feedback:

Here giving and receiving feedback is structured and may follow a set of official rules that have been established by an organisation. For example, upon completion of a probationary period a formal performance appraisal is required to confirm an employee’s suitability for a role. Or it may be a requirement for all staff to go through an annual performance review. Informal feedback however is relaxed, casual and unstructured.

Horizontal vs vertical feedback:

Horizontal feedback is when you exchange feedback with your peers such as team members who are in about the same level as you are within the organisation. Vertical feedback is when you exchange it with colleagues who are more senior or junior to you. Progressive organisations encourage feedback in both directions.

Verbal vs non-verbal feedback:

Feedback is not only in the words but also in the behaviour of those giving it. For example, a manager may state they are happy with someone’s work but fail to approve it.

Other types of feedback:

Identifiable or anonymous
Delivered on a one-to-one basis or in a group
Face-to-face or virtual (via phone or online)
Recorded or unrecorded (in writing, audio or video)

Giving and receiving feedback. Face to face.

How to give and receive feedback

Giving and receiving feedback effectively is an art, not a science, which means it can be learnt or improved. How?

Tips for giving effective feedback

1. Be clear on purpose for giving feedback

As the feedback giver, recognise and appreciate the immense power of feedback. It can make or break a person. Avoid putting others down through it. The purpose of feedback should always be to help others grow. In turn this can lead to other benefits such as productivity, motivation and better relationships at work.
Build a legacy of being known as one who gives effective but truthful feedback.

2. Prepare to give feedback

You can wing it like lots of people do. But, it is worth prepping for feedback if you really want it to help the receiver. Think of the content and the logistics of your feedback – what, where, when, how, etc.
Choose your words carefully. Unhelpful words are difficult to take back once they are spoken or written and their impact is even more difficult to control. However, try not to overthink or overprepare, it will make the feedback seem rehearsed and unnatural. Aim to keep it simple, but be prepared to have difficult conversation as that often is the nature of feedback.

3. Give value-driven feedback

Show empathy. Use emotional intelligence to help you apply the right level of empathy and sensitivity. Try to see things from the other person’s point of view. This does not mean giving them a free pass.
Be mindful that some people may have had terrible experiences with feedback but try not tiptoe or beat around the bush in your feedback. Reassure them if possible.
Be respectful, honest and honourable. Especially when it is feedback that you are finding difficult to give.
Avoid judgement or labelling others. Separate the person from the performance. For example do not label someone a ‘poor performer’ or ‘undependable’. Instead, highlight where they have performed poorly or undependably.
Remember people are at the centre of feedback, not the other way round. Avoid harmful power plays, criticism, being offensive and subjective. Feedback is your chance to build someone else and to grow your relationship or business with them.

4. Offer SMART feedback

Be objective. While this is not a court process, try to provide evidence/examples for where things have gone great and where they can be improved. Consider gathering your evidence ahead of time but be sure this does not turn into a list of wrongs.
Demonstrate the impact that performance or mis-performance has had on others. This will help the person receiving the feedback to see how others have been affected by it.
Keep your feedback balanced. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Aim to highlight what people have done well and where they could do better. Careful how you do this. It is not unusual for people to feel buttered up before being told the worst. Dale Carnegie shares great insights on this in How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Make your feedback actionable. Give action-oriented feedback but be sure to discuss and agree any actions for improvement/growth. Think SMART – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Timed.
Offer your support with the actions.

Giving and receiving feedback. Documenting feedback.

5. Record your feedback

Consider documenting the feedback session through written notes or video/audio recording. Do this especially if your feedback is part of a formal process such as an annual performance review.
Consider the benefits of writing some talking points in preparation for the feedback session. It may give you a chance to review and refine your thoughts.
Recorded feedback also helps to establish a record and trend of performance. It also gives the receiver something to refer to later or when they need to take action on your suggestions.

6. Make feedback an ongoing process

Feedback does not have to wait until that annual review or until things get really out of hand. As the feedback giver, make it part of everyday life. However, do it in the right measure. Giving elaborate formal feedback daily can be an overkill or micromanagement.
Aim to give feedback regularly and at your earliest opportunity. For example, when your employees exceed their targets, they do not have to wait for their pay check to know they did well. Reduce the element of surprise and let people know soonest possible, whether they are on or off target. Ongoing feedback also fits well with a much-desired culture of continuous improvement.
Keep feedback simple, especially if you are going to give it on an ongoing basis. Effective feedback does not have to be overly structured or elaborate.

7. Mind your non-verbal cues

Feedback is in what you say as much as how you say it and what you don’t. Remember we are continuously giving feedback through body-language and tone. Consider the unhappy tone in a disappointed manager’s voice.
Minimise double messaged by ensuring your non-verbal cues are in line with what you say.

8. Timing is important

There is such a thing as wrong timing when it comes to giving feedback. A friend had a manager who always called her aside at the end of the day to discuss performance issues. Whilst this may have been the most convenient time for the manager, it often sent my friend home worrying about her work and the security of her job, eventually the stress was too much for her.
Whether at work, home or school there will be times that are not great for feedback. These will differ for each person, apply some emotional intelligence to work this out or simply ask the person when they prefer to receive feedback.

9. Get feedback on your feedback

Ask how you can make feedback more effective to the other person. Do they prefer written to unwritten, formal or informal, direct or sensitivity, how regular, what time of day, and so on.
Allow the other person the opportunity to reflect on and discuss your feedback. This can be done during or after the feedback session.
Also ask for feedback about your leadership/management skills or whatever your role is with them.

Giving and receiving feedback. Two people exchanging feedback.

Tips for receiving feedback

1. Appreciate feedback

Recognise and appreciate the immense benefits of effective feedback. You need it to know what is going well and where to improve. You should expect to grow from effective feedback.
Prepare for yourself to make the most of your feedback session. Spend some time thinking about where you have done well and where you could do better. Most importantly identify how you would want to be supported in order to improve. Find a good template to help you with this – your employer might have one handy.

2. Deal with previous difficulties about feedback

What are the chances that you have had an unpleasant feedback experiences? And that these have made it difficult for you to receive feedback in general? You are not alone. Unfortunately ineffective feedback is more common than you think.
Transform how you handle and relate to feedback. Because you do need it and it finds us, whether we ask for it or not.
Remember not all people are bad at giving feedback. Past feedback experiences do not have to spoil future ones.
Try not to take feedback personally. Appreciate that even those without feedback skills can give us useful information.
Increase your self-awareness. Establish why receiving feedback is not easy for you. For example, were you criticised a lot in the past or is your personality type getting in the way? Deal with your issues but seek help if dealing with significant trauma.
Consider being open about your difficulties to the person giving you feedback.
Put things into context. Remember feedback is an opinion from one person/party on one aspect of your life e.g. your sales targets this month and not throughout your career. Also, your feedback at work does not apply to your home, school or social life. But if you notice interconnections, be brave and face up to these.

4. Ask for evidence and consider it

It is good to know how you are doing, it is even better to have some evidence for your achievements and areas for improvement. However, be reasonable in your expectation for evidence because it is not always available.
Make a deliberate decision to consider all the feedback you receive. Whether you agree with it or not, whether you choose to take it or not. You owe that to yourself.
Avoid being in denial, especially in the face of difficult or brutal feedback. Try to lower your guard in order to absorb any useful feedback.
Find ways to protect yourself, if you need to. For example set a time and limit for how long you are going to consider the feedback.

5. Discern

Learn to separate the wheat from the chaff. Know how to take what is valuable and discard what is not.
Even with all the evidence, feedback can still be subjective and you may not always agree with it. Develop an ability to know what to safely take on board and what not to, and being o.k. with this. However, be sure to communicate with your manager if you discard any suggestions.
Discerning does not mean being selective and rejecting sound feedback because you do not like it. Be objective, open and honest with yourself.

Take control of what you can when it comes to your feedback session. There is a lot involved in the process of giving and receiving feedback. From arranging the time and venue, to completing feedback templates. You are not powerless in this process. Be proactive – it is one of the Habits of Highly Effective People.
Also be sure to communicate any preferences you have ahead of the feedback session. This may have to do with the time, venue, level of privacy, format, structure, regularity etc.
Exercise emotional intelligence. Know how to handle your emotions in different situations. More so when receiving feedback from someone without feedback skills or when you disagree with their feedback or how it is delivered.
Feel empowered, not victimised by feedback. Respectfully speak your mind and truth. It is your feedback session after all.

7. Take action

For feedback to make a difference you will need to take action to improve the areas that may have been highlighted as needing improvement. It is the only way to grow and go on to achieve greater things.
Be careful not to mull over or ruminate over the feedback endlessly. Overthinking things can be damaging and cause inertia.
Avoid procrastination. It creates apathy and missed opportunities.
Get out of your comfort zone. Push yourself and think of ways to improve e.g. through research or short courses.
Negotiate with your manager for the time and any funding needed to develop yourself in areas highlighted by the feedback.

8. Ask for feedback if it is not given

For those that hate feedback, lack of it can feel like a relief. But you are being short-changed at work, if you are not getting it. You are owed effective feedback – regardless of whether you find it uncomfortable or not.
Ask for regular feedback if you care about your productivity and ultimately your professional progression.
Regular feedback also helps you to build your performance record, which can be invaluable if ever you were in trouble at work. For example, if you were dismissed for poor performance which you felt was untrue, performance records can help set the record straight and earn you compensation or your job back.

9. Give feedback on the feedback

In giving and receiving feedback there is always going to be subjectivity and things that are said in ways that make them difficult for us to hear.
Help those who give you feedback to become better at it. Let them know what works well in the way they give feedback and where they can improve. In return this will not only improve their feedback skills but it can mean a better feedback experience for you.
If you are only receiving rosy feedback then you need to push for more balanced feedback. Ask openly about where the person thinks you can improve – because only then can you grow.
Share this article if you think it would help you and those who give you feedback.